So here I sit on a Sunday night writing. This gives me peace from a chaotic life filled with Christmas, family and money issues. I want to say that I am the way I am because of my environment but that is not the truth. The truth is it is easier to be the way I am because it is harder to change. This mirrors my outside as well as the inside which is sad when I think about it.
I want to be happy but happiness is hard work that I need to achieve by working for it instead of sitting on my ass and waiting for it. The truth is nothing comes for free and nothing comes for those who wait. I never realized it until I looked in the mirror and saw what happened to my hard work. I deserve a different life so I need to work for it and my children deserve it as well.
The people in my life are working for what they want. My husband works by running and working towards a healthier body. He also works hard for providing for us everything we need. I believe I take that for granted I better fix that. My friends work hard by working 2 or 3 different jobs, or by trying to find just 1 job to support herself and her kids. This all takes effort that I take for granted why is that did I forget. I don't want to forget I should have learned from those times I worked my ass off.
I believe we take for granted things either because we forget what it was like or because we get handed things to easily. I miss who I was before the bitterness overcame me. When did that happen because I seriously can't remember a time I wasn't that way. I miss when I was carefree and not worried about who I was offending. I want to be able to talk the way I want or to be the way I want to be.
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